Social Norms vs. Joanna Koshy

The many reasons why I have no friends.

What normal people say:
"Oh, you're doing B.Sc? That's so neat, so am I!"
What I say:
"Oh, you're doing B. Sc? That's so neat, I was too dumb for engineering too!"

What normal people say:
"I dropped my eraser! No, don't move, I'll get it."
What I say:
"I dropped my eraser! No, don't move, I'll get it." And then I stretch my hand out in this feeble, not even pretending to make an effort kind of way and by the time I'm through with my little act, the other person's usually already bent down and picked up the rubber and I go all, "Oh, you shouldn't have, but thank you!"
      I would be in trouble if I tried this on another person like me. We'd probably pretend mutually for a really long time before realization would finally dawn.

Question: What's the time?
        Normal answer: It's eight fifteen.
        My answer (preferably spoken with the accompaniments of a team of dancers and sound and light technicians who have been hiding for a long time waiting for this question to be asked): IT'S THE TIME TO DISCO! (*vigorous flash mobbing Bollywood style*)

Question: Did you cut your hair?
       Normal answer: Yes, do you like it?
       My answer: No, it grew shorter.
The worst part is that people don't even get my sarcasm and reply by saying something like "Oh, is that so," accompanied by an awkward smile and I just want to lie down and cry. I wish I had a sign suspended behind my head that would light up when I'm being sarcastic. We'd need to replace the batteries a lot.

College is still fun! I'm not studying anything but I don't really need to because they're going easy on us at the moment. My Astrophysics course starts this Saturday (victory pose). I hope you are all having excellent weeks! Gute Nacht.