How To Write Like A Koshy

I just made myself a huge bowl of ramen to assist and support in my wild late night adventures (LOL, I'm doing a math assignment) and I put like a ton of other stuff in it besides the delicious powder that comes in the little packets, because the instructions said to put in only taste maker and I'm so rebel like, and also because I like to pretend I can cook, even though what I'm making basically involves heating water and throwing a bunch of stuff in. So now I'm sitting with this enormous bowl of noodles, a couple of abcissae and a bunch of ordinates (that reminds me of a science joke I forgot to put in the other list. What did x say to y when they did a job well together? We're so efficient. Haha? Geddit? 'Cause, like, they're co-efficients? Yeah, it's not funny. When I told my classmates that joke the bio-electives threw onions at me and the computer kids sent me bitterly programmed insults because they're not allowed to chuck the monitors. The Electronics dudes are nice. Pssh.) and guess what. It tastes exactly like KFC chicken! Now I'm not sure whether my taste buds are malfunctioning from all the studying, or I've cracked the eleven mystery herb spice mix. Obviously the latter, right? I'm sorry Colonel, your reign of terror is over.I'm selling this crap to McDonalds.

Hey y'all how's it going? This is going to have to be a quick post because I'm basically staying up late to study and I have to be asleep by one thirty if I'm going to get at least four hours of nature's second course. Chem doubles are hard  enough to stay awake in when I'm not sleep deprived.

The Five Rules of Good Writing:
1. Avoid using the same words several times in a row. If you, like, want to, like, write really awesome stuff, you've got to, like, use, like, different awesome words and then it'll sound awesome. See how terrible that sentence was? Observe the master: in the first paragraph, I said "delicious powder that comes in little packets", because I was using "tastemaker" again later in the same sentence. If I had used it a second time, in such a short time span, you would have gotten bored. You're welcome, by the way.
Mark Twain's words of wisdom: Substitute damn every time you're inclined to write very; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
 Use intelligently, and this method will work for any other word you tend to over use.

2. There ain't nothing more better than good grammar.

3. Spilling is important.

4. Be a little poetic. 'The blue house has red windows and green doors' doesn't make for good reading, whereas, 'the house is a fallen piece of the sky above the prairie, with windows that smoke like bloody execution and doors the colour of the fields in spring', creates a mental image. While it's good to leave things to the imagination of the reader, it's also important to spark off that imagination. I've never seen a prairie, let alone a sky above one, but when you say "sky above a prairie" I get a picture in my head.

5. Be yourself.  I'm not saying it's a bad thing to be influenced by other, better writers, I've been influenced by several, but it's important to find your own individual voice. I'll be honest, a lot of my writing seems highly derivative to me, which is one of the reasons I started this blog. It's helped. It really has.

I started writing this yesterday. Happy today, everyone! Also, I sank my right-hand layup shot and nailed the footwork today! *self-satisfied glow*

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(What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasaaaaabi!)

R+J 4EVA

So I decided to drop the 'One with' thing. Unless I REALLY can't think of a title, you won't be seeing that again. I'm outside right now, with my little bro, at one-fifty in the afternoon. In the afternoon. My torso's in the shade but my legs are fully in the sun and they're evaporating. I swear it. Luluf's playing in the water though so he's cool.
Hey y'all how's it going? I'll be home by tomorrow!!! It took so much self-restraint not to put more exclamation marks after that. It's amazing how excited I am despite the fact that it means I'm going to get my results. Speaking of which, I'm thinking of holding a we're-so-screwed party on the nineteenth, preferably near a lake or on a terrace or something, for obvious reasons. BY THE WAY, something really cool happened in Kerala. I met someone not related to me who reads my blog! Yay! My life is not a failure! He didn't ask me to sign anything though, which was disappointing.
Bwahahaha, I've purposely been keeping my dad in suspense till now. Put away the shotgun Dad, R+J refers to Romeo and Juliet, one of the most horrible romances ever written. They die in the end. Apparently happy endings hadn't been invented by then.
Basically, Romeo and Juliet come from two rival noble families, the Montagues and the Capulets. The play begins with a street fight between them. You know how these things start, one Montague pushes a Capulet, a Capulet stabs him in return and before you know it they're all killing each other. The Prince of Verona, the city the play is set in, gets pretty pissed off about this, probably because they got blood all over his nice clean streets and he's all like, "further breach of peace will be punishable by death." Cue Capulet and Montague  "Awwww!" I guess they were too scared to start singing the party pooper song.
 Right after this, a Count named Paris meets Capulet, the head of the Capulet clan, and offers to marry little Juliet, his daughter, who was apparently a stunner even when she was just thirteen. Anybody else find that creepy? Senior Capulet does because he tells Count Paris to wait for a couple of years and then invites him to a party they're throwing so he doesn't feel too bad. What's really interesting in the play is the way you can actually see Juliet's character develop. When Mummy and Nurse tell the almost-fourteen Juliet that Paris has proposed to her, and to check him out at the Capulet ball that night, she answers first saying that she has never thought of marriage and then that she will try to like Paris as much as her mother wants her to. She seems naive in that scene and it's pretty obvious that she hasn't even thought of love yet.
Romeo on the other hand, playboy that he is, is at this point in love with somebody else, Rosaline, whom he comes to meet at the Capulet ball. He does like things he can't have, doesn't he? Well, the rest is pretty obvious. He meets Juliet, they fall in love and after a while they're married. The story goes kind of downhill from there and it ends with the scene in a graveyard where Romeo thinks Juliet is dead and poisons himself. Juliet wakes from her drugged sleep, she drugged herself to escape marrying Paris, another long story, just as he's breathing his last breath and then he dies with a kiss. Heart-broken Jules stabs herself with Romeo's dagger after which the grief-stricken families hear the full story from the Friar who married the lovers which leads them to make peace. And never was a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo. Man, now I'm depressed. Happy Thursday!
Read the actual play. It's amazing, especially the balcony scene.

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Kudos, Bill.

The raven himself is hoarse,
That croaks the fatal entrance of Duncan,
Under my battlements. Come you spirits
That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here-
And fill me from the crown to the toe top-full
Of direst cruelty!
Hey y'all how's it going? Now before you judge me, Sunday's my day off. That's why there was no post yesterday. Not that I forgot or anything. Pssh.
The passage above is taken from Shakespeare's Macbeth. It's the scene in which Lady Macbeth, the little woman and better half of Macbeth, has decided to gut Duncan, King of Scotland so that her husband can rule. Basically, three crazy old ladies, with frogs and things falling out of the sleeves of their black cloaks, have told Macbeth that he will shortly be the Thane (Scottish for Lord. Foreigners.) of Cawdor, and after that, the King of Scotland itself. Macbeth is on his way home from a battle with his best friend Banquo and they're both high-fiving each other and going, "Dude, we KILLED today," when the weird sisters appear and give Macbeth this prophecy. Macbeth's pretty stoked and right at that point two messengers come from the King. So they walk in and they're like, "Bro, you're Thane of Cawdor," and Macbeth goes, "What??" and they go, "That's what she said." King Duncan has decided to reward Macbeth for his bravery in the battle by making him the Thane of Cawdor.
So obviously, at this point, he starts wondering whether the rest of the prophecy's true and he's actually going to, at some point, wear the crown on his ambitious head. After that the plot gets a little crazy. Basically, Lady Macbeth forces Macbeth to kill Duncan who is staying in their home-castle-type-thing. So much for that "mi casa su casa" stuff. Right after this, Macbeth gets really paranoid, kills his best mate Banquo and slaughters the family of a threat to the throne, Macduff. I'd say power went a BIT to his head.
Lady Macbeth herself is driven mad by the guilt of what she's done and commits suicide. The play ends with the weird sisters tricking Macbeth AGAIN and Macduff beheading him after a nice bit of battle strategy. I just love happy endings, don't you?
A bunch of kids from school and I acted out this play recently and, I'll be honest, despite the "unsex me" stuff and the blood dripping off various characters, most of the audience was falling asleep. Humph. Uneducated louts. We had a lot of fun preparing for it though so I guess that makes it okay.
I think that the problem with the twenty first century is that, even though we've discovered penicillin and the innumerable joys of reality TV, there's a lot less poetry in us as a species.  Our language tends to be curt and to the point, and courtesy is irrelevant. Acting out Macbeth, saying the dialogues, made me realize exactly how beautiful the English language can be. I'm not going to lie, I wish that, if I bumped into someone on the street,  instead of an annoyed, "Bloody hell," I would get a, "My dear miss, I do beg your pardon, the fault was entirely my own." I wish that the what we say and how we say it, is as important now as it was a century ago. While reducing the inconveniences of life to a bare minimum, we seem to have lost something important.
It's world autism awareness day! Remember, autism is not the tragedy, ignorance is. After that snobby, self-righteous post, LATERZ.
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