How Not To Sound Like An Idiot 101

Something happened yesterday that seriously pissed me off.. There's a shock, I'm annoyed at something again. I just realized that I spend the majority of my time being irritated. I think I need to look into yoga or something. I forgot to tell y'all about it but yesterday these guys from Switzerland came to the conference center. They were mostly nice, y'know, they took a lot of pictures and they had those weird accents but one of them said something so incredibly  racist that I almost impaled him in the eye with a bread knife.
"Oh, you two are related? Well, you all look pretty similar so I couldn't tell."
Is anybody else pissed off by this?! Indians don't look alike! Our features are so varied that we're racist towards each other even though we're from the same freaking race! I nearly bit him.
I think he realized something was wrong, maybe because I was breathing kind of heavily and frothing at the mouth a bit. So he said, "I guess you can't differentiate between the Europeans either." And this made me even more angry because, incredibly, I can distinguish between Europeans.

When Larry looks like this>

,Bob looks like this ^

And Jane looks like this>

It's seriously not that hard! Look at the hair colour people!

This must be how Chinese people feel all the time. Do Indians look alike? Really?

Hey y'all how's it going? Guess what. We reached three hundred page views! That's not bad is it? Considering this blog is less than a month old? And it actually involves reading? So, I think the time has come when I can be honest with you guys. I am a grammar Nazi. Not as much of a grammar Nazi as my Dad who comments on all my posts correcting my mistakes (love you too Dad) but still one of those people who hates it when people say you're instead of your and stuff like that. Hence, I have thoughtfully compiled for you this list:

How Not To Sound Like An Idiot:

1. Please please figure out 'there', 'they're' and 'their'. They're not like some cheap sluts you can just use whenever you want.

They're: They freaking are. 

Their: They freaking own something.

There: Referring to a freaking place or idea.

2. Same goes for you're and your. 'You're' is a contraction of you are. 'Your' is possessive.

You're wasting your time reading this.

3. I know this is an outdated concept, but try to understand the meaning of the words you're using. Its okay if it's only a vague idea, but having an omelette for breakfast is not ironic unless you're a chicken rights activist or something.

It was ironic that she became an English teacher, as her grammar sounded like that of a squirrel high on acid.

THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is irony. 

4. I'm kind of sticking my neck out doing this, but the fourth way to not sound like an idiot is to understand 'its' and 'it's'. I actually have a lot of trouble with this so it's ironic that I'm explaining this to you guys.

It's: Contraction of 'it is' or 'it has'.

Its: Possessive.

For a more complete and way more hilarious version of this list, check here. 

Also, for major LOLs, find the grammar mistakes in this post and publish them in the comments. Gloating privileges granted.

LOOK A FOLLOW BUTTON!!!

                                                          Grammar. Its attractive.

P. S. I was in my first car accident yesterday!