Hello, blogiverse! How the hell are ya doin'? I don't know about you, but I feel fantastic right now. I am just in a wonderful place in my life at the moment. Cox Town, Jeevanahalli, to be precise. It's a lovely neighbourhood, full of Tamilian dons and crazy people. And I have met The One.
https://www.youtube.com/user/AnnaAkana
That's her. Anna Akana. God bless the Japanese - they're a wonderful people. Do yourself a favour, go to her channel and watch her videos And then, if you're fed up of awesome, watch this:
So, this post is going to be a little self-praising, because I am a short person. I can see how this might come off as untrustworthy, not to mention shameless, advertising. But ask yourself: would I ever be anything less than honest with you? Yes? Well, let's not get caught up in the details. This is a gospel-true, unsentimental LIST OF FACTS. I tell you nothing but the truth. The voice of the prophet calls out the coming of rain over the desert, not because he wants people to buy his umbrellas, but because he cares. All you guys out there, YOU'RE WELCOME.
The Many Pros Of Having A Short Girlfriend (I Gave Up On Correct Capitalisation A Long Time Back)
1) Instant Arm-Rest: It's absolutely fantastic after a long, tiring day to be able to rest your aching arms on a very conveniently placed head. WARNING: Please make sure that said girlfriend has not just spent hours doing her hair, or your unthinking gesture might result in angry tirades / biting / the loss of a few fingers.
2) Automatic Man Up: There's something about having a delicate little woman hanging off your arm that immediately bumps you up ten points on the Scale of Manliness. Can't grow a beard? Did your last attempt at bear wrestling result in shame and viral Youtube videos? Get yourself a short girlfriend and feel like Arnold Schwarznegger on one of his extra rugged days.
3) Easily Lifted: So the inspiration for this post was actually a very demeaning / hilarious list one of my friends sent me as a joke, and I honestly cannot think of a funnier point than this even when I try. The list claimed, and I quote: "You can pick up a short girl and carry her around like a trophy." It's all about the accessories, people.
4) Human Shield: In connection with the previous point: under the event that a) you are being fired upon by expert Russian snipers, b) an irate Mallu aunty whose beef curry you disrespected is hurling chappals at you with deadly force and accuarcy, or c) you're just indulging in a friendly game of laser tag, your short girlfriend can be used as a human shield to block any incoming projectiles. This is a one-time thing, though, so use your discretion, because this frankly sociopathic behaviour generally results in either death or breakup.
To show that this is a sincere thing and I'm being real with you guys here, I will also include some of the few negatives of having a short girlfriend
1) Unwarranted accusations of pedophilia
2) Early onset neck arthritis (yes, it is a disease).
I will get back to regular posts about interesting things soon, I promise. It's just been a bit hectic here recently. Be happy! Not telling you what to do or anything, just a suggestion.
https://www.youtube.com/user/AnnaAkana
That's her. Anna Akana. God bless the Japanese - they're a wonderful people. Do yourself a favour, go to her channel and watch her videos And then, if you're fed up of awesome, watch this:
Because you should never be fed up of awesome.
So, this post is going to be a little self-praising, because I am a short person. I can see how this might come off as untrustworthy, not to mention shameless, advertising. But ask yourself: would I ever be anything less than honest with you? Yes? Well, let's not get caught up in the details. This is a gospel-true, unsentimental LIST OF FACTS. I tell you nothing but the truth. The voice of the prophet calls out the coming of rain over the desert, not because he wants people to buy his umbrellas, but because he cares. All you guys out there, YOU'RE WELCOME.
The Many Pros Of Having A Short Girlfriend (I Gave Up On Correct Capitalisation A Long Time Back)
1) Instant Arm-Rest: It's absolutely fantastic after a long, tiring day to be able to rest your aching arms on a very conveniently placed head. WARNING: Please make sure that said girlfriend has not just spent hours doing her hair, or your unthinking gesture might result in angry tirades / biting / the loss of a few fingers.
2) Automatic Man Up: There's something about having a delicate little woman hanging off your arm that immediately bumps you up ten points on the Scale of Manliness. Can't grow a beard? Did your last attempt at bear wrestling result in shame and viral Youtube videos? Get yourself a short girlfriend and feel like Arnold Schwarznegger on one of his extra rugged days.
3) Easily Lifted: So the inspiration for this post was actually a very demeaning / hilarious list one of my friends sent me as a joke, and I honestly cannot think of a funnier point than this even when I try. The list claimed, and I quote: "You can pick up a short girl and carry her around like a trophy." It's all about the accessories, people.
4) Human Shield: In connection with the previous point: under the event that a) you are being fired upon by expert Russian snipers, b) an irate Mallu aunty whose beef curry you disrespected is hurling chappals at you with deadly force and accuarcy, or c) you're just indulging in a friendly game of laser tag, your short girlfriend can be used as a human shield to block any incoming projectiles. This is a one-time thing, though, so use your discretion, because this frankly sociopathic behaviour generally results in either death or breakup.
To show that this is a sincere thing and I'm being real with you guys here, I will also include some of the few negatives of having a short girlfriend
1) Unwarranted accusations of pedophilia
2) Early onset neck arthritis (yes, it is a disease).
I will get back to regular posts about interesting things soon, I promise. It's just been a bit hectic here recently. Be happy! Not telling you what to do or anything, just a suggestion.
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