Hello, everyone! I've just got back from another of my frequent trips to Kerala and words cannot even describe what a good time I had. So, I guess this is the end of the post.
JUST KIDDING. But, seriously. Wow. You know there's something wrong with you when you start having life-changing experiences in Kerala, of all places.
For those of you who don't know, which is probably most of you, since I haven't mentioned this before - if you do know, it means you stalk me, and now I'm worried - I've just got back from the ASIAN YOUTH CONFERENCE 2014 *fireworks* *sound of applause and babies crying*.
Here's what I brought back from the conference : a really defined tan-line (I thought that wasn't supposed to happen to south Indians. That was basically our only genetic advantage and now it's gone! What the hell, DNA), a few extra kilos from all the pork flavoured cup noodles and seaweed crackers (more on this later), a Chinese flag, a bookmark, a T-shirt and a spike bracelet, the type normally worn by American drug dealers. Does it not sound like I had a good time? WELL, I DID.
So in the end, there were people at the conference from China, Indonesia, Turkey, Singapore, Switzerland, Norway, England, Dubai. Apparently there were twenty-three countries attending, but I have my doubts about that figure, as Tyra Banks said to the unfortunate model.
My sister and I were rooming with the girls from Hong Kong and, man, do they know how to have fun. Those Hong Kong girls are crazy. Over the past four days, I learned how to say, "hello,", "thank you," and "STEP AWAY FROM THAT IMMEDIATELY" in Cantonese, purely for purposes of survival. The only thing I didn't like about living with them was that they start screaming in Cantonese if you take too long in the bathroom, and people speaking Cantonese always sound extremely annoyed/threatening. It's kind of like Kannada, that way. I mean they're probably just saying something like 'you're taking forever in there, please hurry up', but it sounds like 'I WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF THERE - BLOOD!"
Yeah, so, it was amazing. I took my camera but I didn't take any pictures because there wasn't time, but I will put some up as soon as somebody sends photographs to me. Some random fun things from the conference:
1) During the fancy dinner thing that we did, there was a Norwegian guy sitting at my table whose name translated literally to English as 'Wood Bear Onion'.
2) One of my jobs during the conference was shop-keeping for an evening. Never again. Foreigners bring thousand rupee notes and ask for seven rupee packets of sweets and exact change and I'm just like
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My favourite part was when these two boys from Norway who didn't speak any English tried to buy two bottles of water from me. They eventually got what they wanted, although I first offered them, in succession, a portable fan, sanitary pads, toilet paper and four small chickens.
3) We played a really fun game on the first day of the conference called 'TNT Trade'. It was genius, all the youth were divided into teams and they had to run all over the place completing challenges. I didn't get to play, but that was okay because I was given the most awesome role in the game. Basically, there are these people called 'crew' who may either be 'dealers' or 'secret police' and it's up to the players to figure out which they are. We keep switching as the game progresses and I got to wear shutter shades and gold chains, so it was just Win. All. The. Way. I got a little too much into my character at one point though, and I think that was confusing for the players.
Team Leader: Hey, little lady! Come over here.
Me: (going all Robert de Niro up in that place)
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Team Leader: Yes, actually.
Me: Alright. Alright. You wanta talk business, let's talk business. But don't waste my time. Time is money. I mean, I have money. I don't need money. But don't waste my time.
Team Leader: Er, okay. Can you buy our TNT?
Me: Okay, show me what you got.
Team Leader (It's amazing, by the way, how much these people cheated at a Christian conference. I shudder to think of how this game would be played at a Gamblers Convention or something.): <pulls out some TNT>
Me: What? What is this garbage? (spits for effect) Why do you disrespect me like this?
Team Leader: Look, do you want to buy it or not?
Me: Hey, don't rush me. This is not a race. You racist? No? Good. Okay, I feel sorry for you monkeys. How much you want for this rubbish?
Team Leader: Five hundred.
Me: What? I could kill you right now, sell your kidney, make less money than that. Who're you trying to kid, huh?
It went on. I had fun. I am actually extremely tired right now because I endured a bus ride from hell earlier today and I just finished unpacking, so this is the end for now. Have a good week, all of you!
JUST KIDDING. But, seriously. Wow. You know there's something wrong with you when you start having life-changing experiences in Kerala, of all places.
For those of you who don't know, which is probably most of you, since I haven't mentioned this before - if you do know, it means you stalk me, and now I'm worried - I've just got back from the ASIAN YOUTH CONFERENCE 2014 *fireworks* *sound of applause and babies crying*.
Here's what I brought back from the conference : a really defined tan-line (I thought that wasn't supposed to happen to south Indians. That was basically our only genetic advantage and now it's gone! What the hell, DNA), a few extra kilos from all the pork flavoured cup noodles and seaweed crackers (more on this later), a Chinese flag, a bookmark, a T-shirt and a spike bracelet, the type normally worn by American drug dealers. Does it not sound like I had a good time? WELL, I DID.
So in the end, there were people at the conference from China, Indonesia, Turkey, Singapore, Switzerland, Norway, England, Dubai. Apparently there were twenty-three countries attending, but I have my doubts about that figure, as Tyra Banks said to the unfortunate model.
My sister and I were rooming with the girls from Hong Kong and, man, do they know how to have fun. Those Hong Kong girls are crazy. Over the past four days, I learned how to say, "hello,", "thank you," and "STEP AWAY FROM THAT IMMEDIATELY" in Cantonese, purely for purposes of survival. The only thing I didn't like about living with them was that they start screaming in Cantonese if you take too long in the bathroom, and people speaking Cantonese always sound extremely annoyed/threatening. It's kind of like Kannada, that way. I mean they're probably just saying something like 'you're taking forever in there, please hurry up', but it sounds like 'I WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF THERE - BLOOD!"
Yeah, so, it was amazing. I took my camera but I didn't take any pictures because there wasn't time, but I will put some up as soon as somebody sends photographs to me. Some random fun things from the conference:
1) During the fancy dinner thing that we did, there was a Norwegian guy sitting at my table whose name translated literally to English as 'Wood Bear Onion'.
2) One of my jobs during the conference was shop-keeping for an evening. Never again. Foreigners bring thousand rupee notes and ask for seven rupee packets of sweets and exact change and I'm just like
My favourite part was when these two boys from Norway who didn't speak any English tried to buy two bottles of water from me. They eventually got what they wanted, although I first offered them, in succession, a portable fan, sanitary pads, toilet paper and four small chickens.
3) We played a really fun game on the first day of the conference called 'TNT Trade'. It was genius, all the youth were divided into teams and they had to run all over the place completing challenges. I didn't get to play, but that was okay because I was given the most awesome role in the game. Basically, there are these people called 'crew' who may either be 'dealers' or 'secret police' and it's up to the players to figure out which they are. We keep switching as the game progresses and I got to wear shutter shades and gold chains, so it was just Win. All. The. Way. I got a little too much into my character at one point though, and I think that was confusing for the players.
Team Leader: Hey, little lady! Come over here.
Me: (going all Robert de Niro up in that place)
Me: Alright. Alright. You wanta talk business, let's talk business. But don't waste my time. Time is money. I mean, I have money. I don't need money. But don't waste my time.
Team Leader: Er, okay. Can you buy our TNT?
Me: Okay, show me what you got.
Team Leader (It's amazing, by the way, how much these people cheated at a Christian conference. I shudder to think of how this game would be played at a Gamblers Convention or something.): <pulls out some TNT>
Me: What? What is this garbage? (spits for effect) Why do you disrespect me like this?
Team Leader: Look, do you want to buy it or not?
Me: Hey, don't rush me. This is not a race. You racist? No? Good. Okay, I feel sorry for you monkeys. How much you want for this rubbish?
Team Leader: Five hundred.
Me: What? I could kill you right now, sell your kidney, make less money than that. Who're you trying to kid, huh?
It went on. I had fun. I am actually extremely tired right now because I endured a bus ride from hell earlier today and I just finished unpacking, so this is the end for now. Have a good week, all of you!
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