In case you have some problem with reading titles, this post is going to be about the stories our parents SHOULD have told us when we were little. But first
I was kidding! Don't leave me! Come back!
The Many Pros of Having A Short Boyfriend (Short Version) (Haha) (You're Welcome, Deb)
1) Two words. Napoleon. Complex. Why was Napoleon so succesful? Sure, he was a great general and all that but the real reason is that he was a small man. He had something to prove. And that gave him drive! Ambition! Fantastic style in hats! Short men make up for what they lack in inches in confidence. Ain't nothing more attractive than that.
Cinderella
Once upon a time there was a wonderful, considerate and loving man. Well, he was rich, which amounts to the same thing. This man fell in love with a lady who dies very early on in the story, so I'm not going to bother with much character development for her. Their union was quickly blessed by a beautiful baby girl, whom they decided, in a fit of fey humour, to name 'Ella'. Unfortunately, after producing her, Ella's parents dropped off like flies in quick succession. First her mother was taken away to the angels, and then her father stuck his fork in the wall, but not before he remarried.
According to the rules of storybook land, Ella's new stepmother was a horrid woman. In fact, one might even go further and say she was not a nice person at all. I shall be perfectly frank. She was a heinous cow. When people left her missed calls, she sent them missed calls back. Her secret handshake with her besties was the Nazi salute. She oppressed poor Ella dreadfully.
She had two daughters who had wonderful personalities but they lived in a male-dominated society and so they were just called 'the ugly stepsisters'. It wasn't 'the politically incorrect stepsisters' or 'the stepsisters who talked about people behind their backs', it was 'the ugly stepsisters'. Their own mother called them this.
"Hey, ugly stepsisters," she would say, flicking her long, blow-dried hair, "Pass the salt."
And they would pass the salt, the fine crystals dampened with their tears. It was a terrible situation. And it didn't help the seasoning much either.
One day, a ball was held in the kingdom to find a bride for the young prince.
(to be continued!)
I was kidding! Don't leave me! Come back!
The Many Pros of Having A Short Boyfriend (Short Version) (Haha) (You're Welcome, Deb)
1) Two words. Napoleon. Complex. Why was Napoleon so succesful? Sure, he was a great general and all that but the real reason is that he was a small man. He had something to prove. And that gave him drive! Ambition! Fantastic style in hats! Short men make up for what they lack in inches in confidence. Ain't nothing more attractive than that.
Cinderella
Once upon a time there was a wonderful, considerate and loving man. Well, he was rich, which amounts to the same thing. This man fell in love with a lady who dies very early on in the story, so I'm not going to bother with much character development for her. Their union was quickly blessed by a beautiful baby girl, whom they decided, in a fit of fey humour, to name 'Ella'. Unfortunately, after producing her, Ella's parents dropped off like flies in quick succession. First her mother was taken away to the angels, and then her father stuck his fork in the wall, but not before he remarried.
According to the rules of storybook land, Ella's new stepmother was a horrid woman. In fact, one might even go further and say she was not a nice person at all. I shall be perfectly frank. She was a heinous cow. When people left her missed calls, she sent them missed calls back. Her secret handshake with her besties was the Nazi salute. She oppressed poor Ella dreadfully.
She had two daughters who had wonderful personalities but they lived in a male-dominated society and so they were just called 'the ugly stepsisters'. It wasn't 'the politically incorrect stepsisters' or 'the stepsisters who talked about people behind their backs', it was 'the ugly stepsisters'. Their own mother called them this.
"Hey, ugly stepsisters," she would say, flicking her long, blow-dried hair, "Pass the salt."
And they would pass the salt, the fine crystals dampened with their tears. It was a terrible situation. And it didn't help the seasoning much either.
One day, a ball was held in the kingdom to find a bride for the young prince.
(to be continued!)
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