I am such a failed blogger. If it helps, while I was not blogging I was having fun? Does that make you guys happier? Who am I kidding, y'all are freaking joy-vampires.
Things are still good here in Alwaye. My mommy's back which means I have to eat vegetables again (noooo!) but I will also have clean underwear once more (yayyyy!) so I guess it's a good thing. I missed my little brother so much that I actually started crying when I saw him. He was crying too a few minutes later, but I think that was more because I was kind of choking him than because he was overjoyed to see me. I love you Reuel.
I have finally given up trying to get the foreigners to wash their plates. I figure its enough that I trained them to wipe their feet (that was actually a lot of fun. Have you tried training a puppy? This is sort of like that but with more violence. I LOVE IT HERE.) We get along pretty well, all cultural differences considered. When things get a bit too much we just say "bloody foreigners" in our separate languages and we're all good. ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE.
Hey y'all how's it going? Um, this post's going to be really short because I have to go somewhere again. I am so sorry you guys, I'm not posting at all and even when I do, it's complete rubbish. I beg your pardon.
Over the course of the past fifteen years, I've read a lot of books written by Indians on being Indian. I've never really identified with any of them, which is, I think, because most of these books were written by American-Indians and there is obviously quite a bit of racial confusion going on there. Even the books written by Indians living in India are weird for me because I live in Bangalore which, I have come to realize, is quite a bit different from any other Indian city. I've never felt confused as to who I am or where I've come from or anything (except for the Bangalorean-mallu thing. Aaagh,.) which is mostly because I fit in absolutely where I am right now. It's just home and there's nothing much to deal with or accept. Is it supposed to be this easy? Am I cheating? Is something drastically bad going to happen now?
Therefore, for the edification of all of you out there who are a bit confused, I have thoughtfully compiled this list:
How to Be Indian by Joanna Koshy:
1. Being on time is not an Indian concept. Remember this, it is one of the fundamental foundations on which our society is built. Found below is the conversion of the international idea of time to Indian time:
Five minutes: In half an hour.
An hour: Three hours later.
Tomorrow: Next month.
Next month: Five years later.
Next year: Forget it dude. The Apocalypse is gonna happen sooner than that.
2. The universe is constructed in such a way that if you throw your trash over your wall, it ceases to exist. Congratulations, it is no longer your problem. Have a good life. (This applies to anything. Kid whining again? Chuck him over the fence. Is your pesky son-in-law asking for money? Put him in your neighbour's garden. Life. Is. So. Easy.)
3. Rules are made to be broken. Carry your helmet on your arm so you can wear it when you see a cop but don't put it on. Every time you wear your helmet, a fairy dies. Don't want to stop to let that old lady carrying three kilos of groceries and her granddaughter use the zebra crossing? Don't! You're Indian! Embrace your birthright!
And that's all for now folk. MY RESULTS ARE COMING THIS MONTH!! $%#$^%3%&^#$%%^$#!!!
Oh, look. A follow button. (There's not even any point in being enthusiastic about this anymore. It ain't never gonna happen. Byeeee xoxoxox)
Things are still good here in Alwaye. My mommy's back which means I have to eat vegetables again (noooo!) but I will also have clean underwear once more (yayyyy!) so I guess it's a good thing. I missed my little brother so much that I actually started crying when I saw him. He was crying too a few minutes later, but I think that was more because I was kind of choking him than because he was overjoyed to see me. I love you Reuel.
I have finally given up trying to get the foreigners to wash their plates. I figure its enough that I trained them to wipe their feet (that was actually a lot of fun. Have you tried training a puppy? This is sort of like that but with more violence. I LOVE IT HERE.) We get along pretty well, all cultural differences considered. When things get a bit too much we just say "bloody foreigners" in our separate languages and we're all good. ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE.
Hey y'all how's it going? Um, this post's going to be really short because I have to go somewhere again. I am so sorry you guys, I'm not posting at all and even when I do, it's complete rubbish. I beg your pardon.
Over the course of the past fifteen years, I've read a lot of books written by Indians on being Indian. I've never really identified with any of them, which is, I think, because most of these books were written by American-Indians and there is obviously quite a bit of racial confusion going on there. Even the books written by Indians living in India are weird for me because I live in Bangalore which, I have come to realize, is quite a bit different from any other Indian city. I've never felt confused as to who I am or where I've come from or anything (except for the Bangalorean-mallu thing. Aaagh,.) which is mostly because I fit in absolutely where I am right now. It's just home and there's nothing much to deal with or accept. Is it supposed to be this easy? Am I cheating? Is something drastically bad going to happen now?
Therefore, for the edification of all of you out there who are a bit confused, I have thoughtfully compiled this list:
How to Be Indian by Joanna Koshy:
1. Being on time is not an Indian concept. Remember this, it is one of the fundamental foundations on which our society is built. Found below is the conversion of the international idea of time to Indian time:
Five minutes: In half an hour.
An hour: Three hours later.
Tomorrow: Next month.
Next month: Five years later.
Next year: Forget it dude. The Apocalypse is gonna happen sooner than that.
2. The universe is constructed in such a way that if you throw your trash over your wall, it ceases to exist. Congratulations, it is no longer your problem. Have a good life. (This applies to anything. Kid whining again? Chuck him over the fence. Is your pesky son-in-law asking for money? Put him in your neighbour's garden. Life. Is. So. Easy.)
3. Rules are made to be broken. Carry your helmet on your arm so you can wear it when you see a cop but don't put it on. Every time you wear your helmet, a fairy dies. Don't want to stop to let that old lady carrying three kilos of groceries and her granddaughter use the zebra crossing? Don't! You're Indian! Embrace your birthright!
And that's all for now folk. MY RESULTS ARE COMING THIS MONTH!! $%#$^%3%&^#$%%^$#!!!
Oh, look. A follow button. (There's not even any point in being enthusiastic about this anymore. It ain't never gonna happen. Byeeee xoxoxox)
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