Before the ranting begins, major, major shout-out to everyone who tells anyone about this blog. You are like my pink fluffy unicorns, dancing on rainbows. That is, by the way, possibly the most magical video I have ever seen. Youtube, why are you destroying my life? So, um, news, news... Oh yeah! I was at school today to pick up my application and I met Jerome Alexander and Irene Julius there. They are very awesome. Thank you guys for admitting in public that you read my rubbish. If I wasn't so happy about this, I would probably try to blackmail you with that information.
Hey y'all how's it going? It is amazing to be back in Bangalore. I'm so glowy with happiness that there are cartoon animals flocking around me as I type this. Get off the keyboard, stupid bunny. Go back to Snow White. Seriously though, the random appearance of super-cute critters is one of those things that happen in Disney movies which would be really creepy if it happened in real life. Imagine yourself just walking through a forest singing 'Friday' (Friday, Friday! Gonna get down on Friday!) and suddenly a freaking bird's sitting on your shoulder and singing the chorus with you. I don't like birds. From a distance, yeah, but on my shoulder? I would attack that thing with a blowtorch.
I'm just kidding. Attacking animals with blowtorches is bad. Axes are the eco-friendly way to go.
By the way, happy I've-been-doing-this-crap-for-longer-than-a-month-versary! Thank you, everyone who takes the trouble to read my blog and I hope your life becomes less boring soon. Here is your anniversary gift: I own a pair of underwear that says 'Hideous Golfers Association' and underneath it says OFFICIAL in big red letters. No joke. That thing is authentic. It embarrasses me how often I wear it just because it brings me joy.
It's been a while since I made a list, and I've already started talking about the cartoon animals, so here you go! All the things I don't understand about movies:
That NEVER Happens In Real Life!
1. Whenever there's a scene with the hero and the heroine lying in bed, the sheet always covers the heroine up to her arms but the hero only up to his waist. How do they manage this? Do they get special L-shaped sheets especially for scenes like that? Try asking for them in a supermarket. Actually, don't. I worded my request the wrong way and now I'm wondering how many stores a person can potentially be banned from before she's twenty.
2. In real life if you walk down a street singing and dancing, people either call the cops or throw money at you. What they don't do is join in. And how does everyone always know the right steps?
3. I don't think this happens anywhere except Bollywood, but when the hero's surrounded by like twenty dudes, why do they attack him one at a time? There's twenty of you! Sic that guy! Hit him with a chair! You should see how annoyed people get when you start shouting stuff like this in the theatre. Apparently you're not supposed to side with the bad guys. Pssh. Racists.
4. How is it that the hero never, ever misses what he's aiming at, even if he's never fired a gun before in his life, but all the trained mercenaries and military dudes and stuff can't hit the side of a barn? That doesn't make sense! There's like a million people firing, the probability is very high that one of them shoots straight! And why can't I just shut up and enjoy the movie like a normal person?! Ugh! This is like how the only reason I listen to Adele is to shout at the computer about how you can't possibly set fire to the rain.
There you go. Four reasons why taking me to the theatre usually ends in tears and destruction. Also, here is a fun activity to try. It might destroy your social life, but it is undeniably a fun activity to try.
Step 1: Buy a can of Pepsi and shake. (Any drink works as long as it's fizzy.)
Step 2: Hold to ear.
Step 3: Listen to the popping!!!
Step 4: Wonder what you are doing with your life.
That's all for now folks. Stop celebrating, there'll be another post tomorrow. You can decide if that's a threat or a promise. Unfortunately, it's Monday but you can be awesome nevertheless.
LOOK A FOLLOW BUTTON!!!
Hey y'all how's it going? It is amazing to be back in Bangalore. I'm so glowy with happiness that there are cartoon animals flocking around me as I type this. Get off the keyboard, stupid bunny. Go back to Snow White. Seriously though, the random appearance of super-cute critters is one of those things that happen in Disney movies which would be really creepy if it happened in real life. Imagine yourself just walking through a forest singing 'Friday' (Friday, Friday! Gonna get down on Friday!) and suddenly a freaking bird's sitting on your shoulder and singing the chorus with you. I don't like birds. From a distance, yeah, but on my shoulder? I would attack that thing with a blowtorch.
I'm just kidding. Attacking animals with blowtorches is bad. Axes are the eco-friendly way to go.
By the way, happy I've-been-doing-this-crap-for-longer-than-a-month-versary! Thank you, everyone who takes the trouble to read my blog and I hope your life becomes less boring soon. Here is your anniversary gift: I own a pair of underwear that says 'Hideous Golfers Association' and underneath it says OFFICIAL in big red letters. No joke. That thing is authentic. It embarrasses me how often I wear it just because it brings me joy.
It's been a while since I made a list, and I've already started talking about the cartoon animals, so here you go! All the things I don't understand about movies:
That NEVER Happens In Real Life!
1. Whenever there's a scene with the hero and the heroine lying in bed, the sheet always covers the heroine up to her arms but the hero only up to his waist. How do they manage this? Do they get special L-shaped sheets especially for scenes like that? Try asking for them in a supermarket. Actually, don't. I worded my request the wrong way and now I'm wondering how many stores a person can potentially be banned from before she's twenty.
2. In real life if you walk down a street singing and dancing, people either call the cops or throw money at you. What they don't do is join in. And how does everyone always know the right steps?
3. I don't think this happens anywhere except Bollywood, but when the hero's surrounded by like twenty dudes, why do they attack him one at a time? There's twenty of you! Sic that guy! Hit him with a chair! You should see how annoyed people get when you start shouting stuff like this in the theatre. Apparently you're not supposed to side with the bad guys. Pssh. Racists.
4. How is it that the hero never, ever misses what he's aiming at, even if he's never fired a gun before in his life, but all the trained mercenaries and military dudes and stuff can't hit the side of a barn? That doesn't make sense! There's like a million people firing, the probability is very high that one of them shoots straight! And why can't I just shut up and enjoy the movie like a normal person?! Ugh! This is like how the only reason I listen to Adele is to shout at the computer about how you can't possibly set fire to the rain.
There you go. Four reasons why taking me to the theatre usually ends in tears and destruction. Also, here is a fun activity to try. It might destroy your social life, but it is undeniably a fun activity to try.
Step 1: Buy a can of Pepsi and shake. (Any drink works as long as it's fizzy.)
Step 2: Hold to ear.
Step 3: Listen to the popping!!!
Step 4: Wonder what you are doing with your life.
That's all for now folks. Stop celebrating, there'll be another post tomorrow. You can decide if that's a threat or a promise. Unfortunately, it's Monday but you can be awesome nevertheless.
LOOK A FOLLOW BUTTON!!!
Credits:
Writer: Joanna Koshy
Editing: Joanna Koshy
Reading and Mocking Continuously: Mom and Abi.
THE END
3 comments:
Hahaha.. This is so much fun ! Go on. young lady!
this is a fantastic post
Amazing post. Loved the 'That NEVER Happens In Real Life!' part. Beauty of an article ! Keep up the good work ! :)
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