Good mor-niiiiing, Bangalore! It is a beautiful day outside and you all should really not be wasting your time reading this. Get off your computer and appreciate the splendour of this Saturday morning! Seriously, the weather is GORGEOUS. I went out on my balcony, sank to the namaz position and worshiped the sun for some time earlier because it's that stunning. Bangalore's excellent climate is one of the main reasons why it's the most glorious of all Indian cities. Who cares if we don't have a metro, garbage dumps or an efficient police system? Our weather rocks! Thank you Sky God, Sun God, Buddha, Fairy Queen, whoever's responsible for this.
Hey, how's it going? That greeting seems a bit tame, actually. It doesn't sound like I'm excited to be talking to you, which, of course, I am. Maybe it should be, "HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?!?!?!" Nah, that just sounds like I need money from you. Or I'm one of those losers with no friends who becomes extremely excited with any kind of social interaction, which, also, I am.
I don't really have anything specific to tell you about today, except that I need your help to find and brutally murder someone called Sarah James. You don't know what she looks like? Just go to YouTube and click on any video. Seriously, any video. In a few minutes an advertisement will come up that you can't skip, and if it seems nice to you now, try listening to it over and over and over again. I don't know how much Lakme's paying YouTube, but that @#$$%@#@$% advertisement is there before EVERY. SINGLE VIDEO.
I know, I know, Sarah James is a model, she's just doing her job, we're both victims, etc., etc., but if she tells me ONE MORE TIME that I just need to pick a look from her wardrobe and she'll help me put it together, I will break something. This was my reaction the first time I saw her advertisement:
"Oh, wow, she's really pretty. Maybe if I buy that product I'll look like her and hopefully grow another six inches. Yeah, I'll definitely check that out if I get the chance."
The fifth time I saw her advertisement:
"Hmm, this is getting a little boring now. I'm starting to get slightly annoyed."
The seventy-sixth time I saw her advertisement:
"CURSE YOU, SARAH JAMES. CURSE YOU TO THE DEEPEST PIT OF HADES. AN ETERNAL PLAGUE ON YOU AND YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS AND I HOPE YOU ARE STRUCK DOWN BY LIGHTNING AND EATEN BY WORMS."
Anger management, Koshy. Deep breaths. Count to ten. The other exciting news I have for you, which isn't exciting at all, is that I've finally decided what I want to do with my life. My real life's dream and the purpose for which I was put on this earth is, of course, to be a writer, but the truth I'm just not cut out for that starving artist lifestyle. I don't have that kind of non-materialistic poet's outlook that would help me live with a salary of maybe six thousand a month and instant noodles every night. So, I also need a REAL job besides writing.
The main problem I had while deciding what I really want as a career was that my idea of a perfect job is "a little work, plenty money". Say that again in a Juan from 'Mind Your Language' accent. There you go. And the career seminars that they hold for us in school really aren't much help. At one of those things, the guy asked us to write down our dream job on a piece of paper, then fold it and keep it away, and look at it again after a few days. So I did, and I found that I had written "Waste Management".
"Waste management". I kid you not. What the hell is wrong with my subconscious? I refuse to even consider the terrifying possibility that that may actually be what I want to do with my life. So finally, a few days ago, I decided enough was enough and it was time for me to get some kind of direction. I sat down, and I did what any calm, rational, intelligent human being would do when he or she needed to make a decision. I wrote down all my options on several pieces of paper and drew a chit.
I won't make you laugh by telling you what all the options were, because my life is already enough of a mockery. It will suffice to tell you that I drew 'engineering', so that's what I'm going to be doing for the next few years.
Therefore, I will be leaving you all now because if I am doing engineering, I need to start preparing for CET. Peace and love! I'm sorry that this post wasn't about anything specific, I just wanted to have a conversation with you guys. Good talk, bros. What is your dream job? Tell me in the comments! Have yourself an excellent Saturday, you beautiful person, you.
LOOK A FOLLOW BUTTON!!!
Hey, how's it going? That greeting seems a bit tame, actually. It doesn't sound like I'm excited to be talking to you, which, of course, I am. Maybe it should be, "HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?!?!?!" Nah, that just sounds like I need money from you. Or I'm one of those losers with no friends who becomes extremely excited with any kind of social interaction, which, also, I am.
I don't really have anything specific to tell you about today, except that I need your help to find and brutally murder someone called Sarah James. You don't know what she looks like? Just go to YouTube and click on any video. Seriously, any video. In a few minutes an advertisement will come up that you can't skip, and if it seems nice to you now, try listening to it over and over and over again. I don't know how much Lakme's paying YouTube, but that @#$$%@#@$% advertisement is there before EVERY. SINGLE VIDEO.
I know, I know, Sarah James is a model, she's just doing her job, we're both victims, etc., etc., but if she tells me ONE MORE TIME that I just need to pick a look from her wardrobe and she'll help me put it together, I will break something. This was my reaction the first time I saw her advertisement:
"Oh, wow, she's really pretty. Maybe if I buy that product I'll look like her and hopefully grow another six inches. Yeah, I'll definitely check that out if I get the chance."
The fifth time I saw her advertisement:
"Hmm, this is getting a little boring now. I'm starting to get slightly annoyed."
The seventy-sixth time I saw her advertisement:
"CURSE YOU, SARAH JAMES. CURSE YOU TO THE DEEPEST PIT OF HADES. AN ETERNAL PLAGUE ON YOU AND YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS AND I HOPE YOU ARE STRUCK DOWN BY LIGHTNING AND EATEN BY WORMS."
Anger management, Koshy. Deep breaths. Count to ten. The other exciting news I have for you, which isn't exciting at all, is that I've finally decided what I want to do with my life. My real life's dream and the purpose for which I was put on this earth is, of course, to be a writer, but the truth I'm just not cut out for that starving artist lifestyle. I don't have that kind of non-materialistic poet's outlook that would help me live with a salary of maybe six thousand a month and instant noodles every night. So, I also need a REAL job besides writing.
The main problem I had while deciding what I really want as a career was that my idea of a perfect job is "a little work, plenty money". Say that again in a Juan from 'Mind Your Language' accent. There you go. And the career seminars that they hold for us in school really aren't much help. At one of those things, the guy asked us to write down our dream job on a piece of paper, then fold it and keep it away, and look at it again after a few days. So I did, and I found that I had written "Waste Management".
"Waste management". I kid you not. What the hell is wrong with my subconscious? I refuse to even consider the terrifying possibility that that may actually be what I want to do with my life. So finally, a few days ago, I decided enough was enough and it was time for me to get some kind of direction. I sat down, and I did what any calm, rational, intelligent human being would do when he or she needed to make a decision. I wrote down all my options on several pieces of paper and drew a chit.
I won't make you laugh by telling you what all the options were, because my life is already enough of a mockery. It will suffice to tell you that I drew 'engineering', so that's what I'm going to be doing for the next few years.
LOOK A FOLLOW BUTTON!!!
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