Baby Got Back

                Darlings! Sweety-hearts! Comrades! (I have become a Communist since I left y'all. See what losing you has done to me?) I'm back!

Oh, God. It's happening again.

                 Guys, it's been a year. I'm a wise, mature, seventeen year-old WOMAN now (as you can see, I'm still funny), as opposed to the un-knowledgable, uncouth youth I was when I last posted. I can't say 'Hey, y'all, how's it going?', any more. I will think of a new, more catchy greeting, but till then, let's just go with: Hello! As you might have noticed, I'm back. I have RETURNED. Ladies, ladies, calm down. Mildred, stop crying, baby. I missed you too.

                Let's make this reunion interesting. As you read the next few lines, I want you to imagine that instead of sitting at a boring computer, on your boring chair, in your boring life, you are a dark and mysterious stranger, who's just moved into a new town to escape your past. You're trying to move on but you can't help remembering the person you lost, that heartless wench who tore your heart out of your chest and danced the flamenco on it. You spend your days with your only friend, Mr. Jack Daniel. trying to forget. Suddenly, one cold afternoon in October, you hear a sound that you have both hoped for and feared. The sound of a key turning in the lock, a familiar footstep in the hallway. You turn around, half afraid, half wondering, and here I am, as though I was never gone. We leap into each other's arms and swear never to let go again.

              Wasn't that fun? Online role-playing, hell yes! Back to your chair now, we have some catching up to do.
               I'm in twelfth standard!! :O The big one-two. I am the senior-est person in my school! It's the middle of the academic year now and we've just finished our half-yearlies (more on that carnage later). Every conversation I've had lately, both inside and outside school, has started with "So, which college..?", for which I have absolutely no answer. My mum and I have nearly been getting into fist-fights over the course question recently. The real and earnest have started fourteen-hours-a-day-preparation for the entrance exams. Obviously, this is the best time possible to start blogging again.

                  The truth is, I've really missed blogging. Writing books and short stories is all peachy, but it's not nearly as therapeutic as whining about my non-interesting life to a group of random strangers. The other reason is that, frankly, I'm stagnating. At this point I am the creative equivalent of a puddle of muddy water. The last time I was in this horrible, dark place, I started blogging, and it helped. So, here's hope that it works again, and, hey, if I can entertain you guys in the process, everyone wins, right? In that interest, here's a laugh for you. My school made me a prefect last year xD

                   Oh, BAM! Just five minutes into the blog and I've made you do a spit-take already. I haven't lost ANY of It. I have so many things to tell you guys about, and I will do that, but I think we should establish the rules of this return to blogging right now, before there's a misunderstanding.
                 I'm not looking for a serious relationship, you guys. It's true, the dictionary definition of 'irresponsible' is a picture of my face, but I AM in twelfth standard. Let's think of my school work as my nagging, demanding wife and you as the Other Woman. I WILL spend time with you, but my family comes first. So, let's keep this at a minimum level of commitment. I'm just looking for some fun. I hope you understand.

                That's all for now, folks! New post SOON, I PROMISE. Lots and lots of wonderful and scary and amazing things have happened and I will tell you all about them. In the meantime, comfort yourselves with this awesome song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jofNR_WkoCE. In advance, you're welcome.

LOOK A FOLLOW BUTTON!!! (It's been so long since I typed that :') Please direct any anger and/or sarcasm to the comments box) I will see you soon! Happy Wednesday! :)

Laughter is The Best Medicine

Okay you guys, I know I promised there'd be a funny long post by now but honestly I have nothing whatever to talk about. I don't feel like whining. This is a very new situation for me. I"m actually, in this bubble of time, left hanging with nothing to be particularly annoyed at. I think I'm sick.
Hey y'all how's it going? Speaking of sickness, a couple of weeks back, I threw a sissy fit and threw away a tub of strawberry yogurt because there was this weird fluid-y thing on top. I realized AFTERWARDS that the liquid didn't necessarily mean my glorified milk was possessed. As you can imagine, my mom got pretty mad because yogurt is basically the only calcium-rich thing I eat (chocolate and ice-cream are apparently not calcium-rich. Well, hell, now what's my excuse?) and yesterday she made me research the calcium requirement of a teenage girl and what can happen if you don't drink your delicious cow secretions. So I started looking this stuff up because my mom gets mad fast and fury, unfortunately, does not impair her aim.
 Pretty soon I discovered that I had osteoporosis. I went through the symptoms and causes and everything and I figured out that I was, incredibly, suffering from osteoporosis. That stuff they put up about it affecting only women above sixty five? All crap. So after that, I got pretty freaked out. I mean, I'd had a major disease all this time and not even been aware of it. So I looked up some more diseases. And by the end of half an hour I was amazed that I was alive. I have every single symptom of every disease I read about. It said a symptom of chicken pox was itching. AS SOON AS I FREAKING READ IT my shoulder started. One of the main indicators of dengue is sudden and abrupt fevers. No sooner had I finished reading the sentence than I felt my face and realized it was burning hot. Like, wow. I went through twenty seven diseases and I have around twelve of them. I've decided not to worry about it though, like Mark Twain says, "Be careful about reading health books. You might die of a misprint."
Okay, the actual reason for all that shameless hyperbole in the previous paragraph was because I think people nowadays are kind of.... let's say, um,  interested in their health. Which is not a bad thing at all because it is true that what with global warming, pollution and all that terrible music coming out, 2012 is a pretty bad place to be in health-wise. This is without even taking into consideration the end of the world in December. That being said, while I agree it's important to eat vegetables and exercise, doing this to the point where you're excluding anything else is not healthy at all. It's actually intensely damaging to your physical and mental well-being. It's also CRAZY to avoid things that you NEED for daily life just so that you can apparently live longer. For example, it is true that there are millions of germs living on toilet seats. But then again, there are also millions of germs living on your hands. It's fine for your butt to make contact with the seat, just like it's fine to shake hands with someone as long as your hygiene levels are okay.
You know how a couple of centuries ago we were paranoid about black cats and full moons? Even though science has come along and destroyed all those theories, it has also created a lot of new completely rubbish superstitions. I read the science section of the newspaper everyday and most of the "facts" and "studies have shown's" that they give you today are generally the opposite of what they told you last week and then tomorrow they'll probably be like, "Whoops, sorry, we were right the first time." Although we are right about a lot of things at this point, there's still an entire universe that we don't know anything about yet. It's okay to accept that there are still phenomena that we can't explain yet. Unfortunately a lot of people are not comfortable with this fact and publish, in some cases, absolute bogus without any factual scientific evidence. Whoah, I do have something to whine about. Oh, good. I was worried there for a second.
I actually have a lot more to say on this topic but it's eleven fifty-eight again so I'm just going to go. Good night! mwaaaahhzzz
LOOK A FOLLOW BUTTON!!!

Aww, come on Mom.

Hey, I've just realized that after I publish this post, I will have posted once every day for the past four days. This has become a daily thing! Isn't this great? You can go to bed today secure in the knowledge that there WILL be another post tomorrow. (Cue group "Noooo!") Yes, yes I am threatening you. I'm hoping that at some point someone will actually PAY me to stop posting crap on the internet. And THAT ladies and gentlemen, is my plan to earn money for college. Feel free to emulate.
Hey y'all how's it going? Good? Great. Today's fascinating monologue is going to be about my mother. Now, I know it's not exactly cool or normal for a fifteen year old girl to feel this way, but I really love my Mum. She's a great person and I genuinely enjoy spending time with her. We get along better than most on the mutual agreement that we don't interfere with each other too much. By that I don't mean we don't have fights sometimes where we shriek at each other and lie on the floor screaming and flailing. I am a regular teenager to some extent and some things about my Mom really, REALLY annoy me. We actually had one of those fights an hour ago and I have calmed down to the point where I've stopped muttering angrily and throwing things, so I've decided to make a list of the things my Mom does that irritate me and post it on-line. See how much I sacrifice for you guys? I'm not going to get an allowance for the next three weeks.

Seven things I hate about my Mom:
(Sha...... sha)
1.     Sometimes if I'm on Facebook or something and I see a funny picture, I call Mum over to look at it. So she looks, and we're both like "OMG LOL ROFLMAO" and then she DOESN'T LEAVE. She just stays there watching. Using the internet when your Mum's watching is the. Most. Awkward. Thing. Ever. I have to scroll down really slowly and hope nobody posted anything stupid.
2.     So after I'm done showing my Mum the funny photo, and after I cough a couple of times in a don't-you-have-a-velociraptor-to-hit-with-a-banana sort of way, she leaves the room again. Here's what annoys me. She NEVER SHUTS THE DOOR. It's not that I'm watching porn or anything, I just like my privacy. (No, really Mum, if you're reading this, I don't watch porn. Stop checking the browsing history.)
3.     She is partial to my sister. All the time. See, I'm the eldest of three, and my little brother is autistic, which is why I completely understand that he gets a lot of attention and cookies, but why does my sister get more support than I do? For example, I recently got a new phone, an expensive one for which I have to pay half the amount (Thanks Mum. Love you too) and today I asked my sister to take care of it for forty-five minutes while I went for my piano class, because I was wearing Jeggings and you CANNOT fit a Samsung Galaxy into those pockets. After my class, I came out and my mobile was lying on a seat in a public place and my sister was gone. Naturally I was pissed off because I'm extremely careless with my things and I hate it when other people are. I feel like they're doing my job or something. So I stormed to the car, where my Mom and sis were waiting, in full Righteous Indignation mode and I started yelling at her. And then Mum took her side. She said it was my fault for a) buying things without functional pockets and b)taking my phone outside when I don't have functional pockets.What?! Ugh!!
4.     This is something that she probably does for my own good and that I shouldn't feel so annoyed about, but I really, really hate it. When I'm sitting in my room and I'm supposed to be studying, she sometimes opens the door, puts her head in, watches me for a few moments and then leaves. This pisses me off so much and I can't explain why. I know she's doing it because I really should be studying and she wants to make sure I do but it makes me want to listen to death metal and kill fluffy things. I need therapy.
5.     The fifth thing my Mom does that annoys me is when I tell her I want to do something crazy fun, but also crazy stupid/irresponsible, she says no,  we argue for a while and then she says, "Do whatever you want." I HATE that sentence. It's like the ultimate Mom weapon.
6.     She compares me to my cousins. Period.
7.     She makes me love her (D'aww! Thank you Miley!!)
LOOK A FOLLOW BUTTON!! CLICK ON IT!! No? Fine. Do whatever you want.
(EDIT: I just realized I didn't post anything on Thursday. Fail!)