You've Got To Be Kidding Me

           Hello Blogiverse! It's been a while, because I've been busy baby-sitting a LOT of children. A family of seven required the assistance of a smart, talented small Indian who is good with kids, and because that guy was busy, I stepped in to help out.

I have confidence in sunshine!

        No, I did not wear an awesome hat or take a guitar with me, but the kids had fun nevertheless and I had a blast being puked on, forced to play Fairy Queen (but more often Hideous Goblin) and having food thrown at me. No, really I did. One of the kids is one and a half, and the way he called me "Shoooee" was just adorable.  

         I can think of no better way to entertain you all today than to transcribe a conversation between the two eldest children (one is seven and the other is five, or some combination of those numbers), exactly as it was spoken. This was at bedtime, and Child 1 was telling a story to me and Child 2. The conversation of children loses a lot of charm when it is written down, but just believe me when I tell you that it was the cutest durn thing ever.

Child 1: Once upon a time there were two families of wolves and tigers. Both these families were best friends and they always used to play together. But then one day they started fighting and they-

Child 2: Why did they start fighting?

Child 1: So they started fighting and then-

Child 2 (persistent): Why did they start fighting? They were best friends so why would they suddenly start fighting like that?

Child 1 (continuing valiantly): They started fighting and the tiger said "I'm going to kill you, wolf" and the wolf said-

Child 2 (Severely): Child 1, you need to stop and explain when a question is asked because otherwise no one will understand the story, and it won't be interesting.

Child 1 (rather desperately): They started fighting because they were angry with each other.

Child 2: (Sensing victory): Why were they angry with each other?

Child 1: The moral of the story is-

Child 2: But WHY were they fighting?

This went on for some time. Oh, youth!

Looking after children is a rewarding process, despite the indignity of playing games in which I was forced to make imaginary jam for the fairies (a pinch of bluebells, and two tablespoons of pixie dust), pretend to sleep so that said fairies are tricked into taking the jam, run after fairies with butterfly nets and eventually meet the Fairy Queen after a long and arduous journey to fairy land that cost me every bit of my creativity to think of. 

                I've got my battle scars to show for it though- two awesome rips in my jeans at the knees that I am extremely happy with. Also, I was forever shamed when Child 2 from the story above asked me what a homophone was and I had no idea. (But Joe, didn't they teach you what a homophone is? Didn't you learn grammar in school?")

Parent teacher meetings tomorrow!  Today will probably be my last among the living. I bequeath everything I have to my brother and sister, and ask only that they will remember me fondly in the days to come. Have a good one! Mwaah! xoxo