Gosh. I should really stop writing things in the middle of the night. Or, at least, it's okay if I do that, I should stop publishing them.
Do you sometimes feel like you've become the worst possible version of yourself? 'I have become that which I hate'- Questionable Content. I always thought that was a pretty okay fate, since the only thing I really hate is fish, but recently I feel like I'm slipping day by day into a person I really don't want to be- cruel, cowardly, dishonest, unkind- all the things I thought I would never be.And the worst part is I don't know what to do about it, and I just continue doing things that disgust me.
Free will is an interesting thing. I've been brought up as a Christian so from the time I was small I've heard that everything happens 'according to God's plan', which is apparently a huge cosmic, sixteen dimensional blueprint for history and nothing happens outside it. If you believe that, then it seems to imply that everything is already written, and there's nothing that can be done to change it. So what are choices anyway? What's the point of trying if we're all just actors in a scripted reality show?
I don't know, but I'm still young enough to feel like every morning's a fresh start. I don't know yet if the kind of person I am and the kind of life I'm going to live have already been fore-ordained by the stars, or whether I'm just enacting my "destiny", or, scariest of all, if there is no plan and we're all just completely on our own. Still, whether free will is an illusion or not- I guess, while there's life there's hope? Happy New Year! :)
There was a funeral in my neighbourhood today and I walked home on a carpet of crushed rose petals and marigolds.
Do you sometimes feel like you've become the worst possible version of yourself? 'I have become that which I hate'- Questionable Content. I always thought that was a pretty okay fate, since the only thing I really hate is fish, but recently I feel like I'm slipping day by day into a person I really don't want to be- cruel, cowardly, dishonest, unkind- all the things I thought I would never be.And the worst part is I don't know what to do about it, and I just continue doing things that disgust me.
Free will is an interesting thing. I've been brought up as a Christian so from the time I was small I've heard that everything happens 'according to God's plan', which is apparently a huge cosmic, sixteen dimensional blueprint for history and nothing happens outside it. If you believe that, then it seems to imply that everything is already written, and there's nothing that can be done to change it. So what are choices anyway? What's the point of trying if we're all just actors in a scripted reality show?
I don't know, but I'm still young enough to feel like every morning's a fresh start. I don't know yet if the kind of person I am and the kind of life I'm going to live have already been fore-ordained by the stars, or whether I'm just enacting my "destiny", or, scariest of all, if there is no plan and we're all just completely on our own. Still, whether free will is an illusion or not- I guess, while there's life there's hope? Happy New Year! :)
There was a funeral in my neighbourhood today and I walked home on a carpet of crushed rose petals and marigolds.
2 comments:
hmm who told you there is no free will? if it was me saying you have to study that's ok
PMG
Sorry , that should be PMAG - and lovely poem darling <3
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