Good Advice On Everything That Matters

[EDIT: This post was inspired by some unwanted ads that were showing up on my blog. Because I'm a computer whiz (and because Blogger has a good help forum. Mostly because Blogger has a good help forum), I've fixed it. Nevertheless, online ads that are in reality Heinous Schemes to Trick You and Terrible Traps are some of our modern problems, and the information below will help you to deal with them! Now that we've cleared that up, read on.]

        What is with these links that are coming up in my posts? It's clearly an ad of some sort and this is highly upsetting because a) the green doesn't look nice and b) I'm not getting any money out of this. Also, if they're planning on conning people out of their credit card information, or whatever that link does, shouldn't they promise something a bit more plausible?

        When it comes to the internet, there are some very basic things to keep in mind. Honestly, you guys, I shouldn't have to explain this stuff. Tsk tsk. Viewers, please remember: this world is not a nice place, (children, avert your eyes now) Santa Claus doesn't exist, (alright, you can look again) and very few people like giving iPads for free to random strangers. Also, those ads that show pictures of busty blondes in revealing underwear saying things like 'I'm lonely and desperate and would even be into YOU', I highly doubt that women who look like that would need to put an ad on the internet to find partners in the first place, and in the second place, not even lonely, desperate people would be into you.

 

             JUST KIDDING.

            We need a new set of proverbs for our generation- 'Think Before You Click,' 'Don't Trust People Named 'juicyblondepony83458' and 'Remember To Clear Your Internet History'.

             I recently started preparations for the next set of examinations (FUN FUN FUN), and for a few days was utterly overwhelmed by how absolutely unprepared I am for the entrances. I was talking to the kids at school today and they were moaning about it too. Kid One was like "Dude, I'm totally failing, I've only been studying for this since, like, tenth standard," and Kid Two was like "Bitch please, I've just been preparing for JEE since twelfth, I'm DEAD," and I was like, "Haha, I started preparing yesterday."
           
            Sigh.

           BUT THEN- I remembered that

            And so, I decided that I'm not going to study for the JEE Main, or AIEE, or CET, or whatever. I'm just going to study SCIENCE. And then I stopped being sad and started being awesome again. (Also, I'm probably going to fail all my exams. Kids, don't do like this, okay? Science is not for fun- science is for getting good job and American wife. Get off the internet and go back to your textbooks.)

          I shall leave you with a question I've been pondering for a few days. Do I dream because I'm lonely, or am I lonely because I dream?

Crap Science Students Say

The internet. Typing. Not writing feverishly while tapping on a calculator. Free time, how I have missed thee. First week of school over, whoo! Only a hundred and seven to go.
ISC Science is all it's cracked up to be people. And what it's cracked up to be is twenty four/seven hard work, text books the size of small elephants and calculations up to eight decimal points. I've had a week of this and the only reason I haven't yet gone:- a)stark raving mad, as in hair-ripping, eye-rolling, wandering the streets of Bangalore naked singing 'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts' mad or b) to the Alsoor Lake, to make a hole in it, is because I've got a decent number of ex- classmates in my new class, and these lifesavers are crack enough to make me laugh at least sixteen times a day. Curb your disappointment, there's another two years of this left. I wouldn't discount any interestingly clothed serenading yet. *tries to strangle self with keyboard cord*.

Hey y'all how's it going? My NRI Dad's home from Saudi! Needless to say, it's lovely having him here, especially since he came with an iPad for his doting offspring. This, ladies and gentlemen, is how to ensure a warm reception in style.

That was the good news. Brace yourselves, here comes the cloud part of the silver lining. There will probably be very few posts from now on as ISC doesn't exactly leave you a lot of free time. Expect them once a week if you're lucky, and the sadists who teach me have only set me around three years' worth of homework to do in a couple of days.

Staggering workload aside, eleventh grade in Clarence is shaping out to be decent. My teachers are mostly nice, sometimes we get the rest of the day off for no reason at all and my new classmates are cool. Cool-ish. The advantage of taking science as your stream is getting lab coats and using the awesome chemistry equipment. The disadvantage is getting stuck in the same room with Bangalore's brightest and most-intelligent-as-dammit on a regular basis. You can practically hear their brains sloshing around in their skulls when they move, which doesn't facilitate the most comfortable conversations. I feel like I'm talking to a more advanced, refined species and they receive the impression that they're conversing with a chimpanzee. Or possibly a dumber type of goldfish. I'll check with them and get back to you.

Besides lab coats, the only thing keeping me from chucking the calculator and vernier callipers in the path of an oncoming train, is the hilarious jokes science students come up with. Here are the best, collected and organized by myself. Enjoy this, this is all my fried brain's coming up with. I'm trying to think of witty things to say but all that's coming out is stuff like 'Young's modulus of elasticity' and 'non-stoichiometric compounds'.

1. A neutron walks into a bar and orders a whiskey and soda. After he's done, he asks the bar tender for the bill.
Bar tender: "For you, no charge."

2. What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.

3. What do you get when you throw a laptop into the ocean? A Dell, rolling in the deep.

There are more, but they're unfit for a public forum such as this. To finish up a spectacular display of PJs, I present to you:

Crap Science Students Say:
1. Diss the second law of thermodynamics one more time, and I'll break your calculator.

2. Minus b, plus or minus the root of b squared minus four a c, the whole thing divided by two a.

3. Yo Mamma so dumb, she tried using nanoparticles as an epoxidation catalyst. (This one always gets major LOLs.)

4. Hey dudes, it's a Friday night, let's  do something wild and try to prove Newton's laws of gravity wrong. (TGIF! TGIF!)

And that's all for today folks. I got the science jargon from my favourite web comic, Questionable Content. Don't worry, I don't know what half of it means either. In other news, today is father's day! Today morning my Dad coughed a couple of times in a hinting sort of way and said something about how everybody's writing their dad a poem, so, aged relative, here you go:

Roses are red,
Pink and Purple too,
I'm glad that half
Of my genetic material is from you.

That's a poem okay?! It rhymes, okay?!


Good Gay Lussac, it's Monday tomorrow. I've been chosen for the Albert Barrow writing competition thing so wish me luck for that. Byeeee xoxoxo

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